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Girl breaks up with boyfriend for being overweight and dating: Should I Dump My Girlfriend Because She’s Gaining Weight?

I recognize this is easier said than done. So, the very first place to start is dialogue.

Matthew Cox
Saturday, November 7, 2020
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  • Common Questions about Wills, Answered.

  • Any type of comment that even hints at abuse or assault shouldn't be ignored. Should that be the case, it could be the perfect opportunity for her to make an appointment with her doctor and get a physical.

  • The thing is: we like it when you try to look hot. Your partner has put on weight, and her appearance has changed — and yours will too, over time.

  • If your partner can't stop commenting on your clothes, your body shape — or worse, if they start telling you what to wear — it's yet another red flag. Your game probably comes off as weak.

  • I wasn't treating myself the way I should have been. The account details entered are not currently associated with an Irish Times subscription.

Ask Roe: I know this question doesn’t make me look great

Generally, she says, people know why they're lying, and only pretend they don't as a way of covering something up. Not only does it boost your momentum, but being able to approach is your most important tool for getting good with women and eventually attracting an awesome girlfriend. There must be more than bedroom intimacy and bodily attraction for a couple to last the long term.

  • But a sudden increase in weight could by a side-effect of a few things, including illness, medication, stress or depression, etc. That being said I agree with lessismoreohi.

  • Isolde Sundet, M.

  • Not an Irish Times subscriber? So now I date only men who celebrate me —not in spite of or because of my weight.

  • Bitterness and hurt really ate at the relationship.

By Samantha Barr y. I think I deserve to be with someone who has the same mindset. However, if you are extremely sensitive to the weight and appearance of your partner, it is in your best interest to be honest with them about what your intentions will be, should the weight gain occur. Oh hell no. Anastasia Garcia is a photographer and body-positive activist in New York City. Fatness does have its benefits such as functioning as a litmus test. Without attraction a relationship is doomed, at least he was honest about it.

ALSO READ: Can Low Ferritin Levels Cause Hypothyroidism

Is everything alright? It's one thing if she gained the weight due to being paralyzed or disabiled after you met her. Don't settle for being treated like that ever again. The truth is the size and shape of my body has zero bearing on the longevity of my relationships. So much easier to talk with. The reality of the situation is that it is best to find people who love you for who you are on the inside, despite what your outside looks like. It made my life miserable.

If your partner isn't ready to take things to the next levelthey certainly don't have to. Not "being right" or attempting to change how someone thinks. Breaking up because her ex cheated on her or treated her poorly -- or if he initiated the breakup -- may mean that your crush is still sad. Well, that really says a lot.

The Solution

We ask that you report content that you in good faith believe violates the above rules by clicking the Flag link next to the offending comment or by filling out this form. It is important to consider however, that weight gain is often the normal progression of life. But I agree with lessismoreohio, your ex-boyfriend's comments are a reflection of his immaturity rather than your appearance. Good luck!

Personality-wise, we do just fine. All Rights Reserved. I take pride in my body and physical appearance. Would you be OK with a girl cutting things off because your bod is going soft? It's something you'll want to discuss ASAP, to see if you can work through it and create a more balanced relationship.

Since abusive people often try to isolate their partner from friends and family so xating they have total control, this a huge red flag. Instead of waiting until it's too late and she's already moved on with someone else, strategically suggest that the two of you hang. But this resistance is something to look out for. The internet is a huge resource to meet girls.

The Dilemma

Economist 7e Common Questions about Wills, Answered. After a long time of this crap mentality, my husband and I sat down and he actually confessed to me that he thought that I had lost interest in him! In this case, though, it sounds like he felt he needed a "parting shot" to make it your fault not his that he was bailing out. Take it as his own shallowness, and you shouldn't want to be with someone who judges you as a person based on your weight.

Which one will you be? Breaking up because her ex cheated on her or treated her poorly -- or if he initiated the breakup -- may mean that your crush is still sad. When you first get out of a long relationship, you feel rusty. Talk about your goals for the future and take each other's answers seriously. The internet is a huge resource to meet girls. If your partner isn't ready to take things to the next levelthey certainly don't have to. While her loss could be your gain, her sadness over the breakup may get in the way of you asking her out.

It made exercise impossible. Take it as his own shallowness, and you shouldn't want to be with someone who judges you as a person based on your weight. Good for you, broette. September 17, PM 6.

  • Some reading this will no doubt take offense to your question.

  • If your relationship is built only on the physical and nothing more, any new partnership you enter into is doomed.

  • Co Limerick: one walk, one run, one hike, one swim, one cycle, one park and one outdoor gym Your essential, outdoor, family-friendly guide to Co Limerick. It's sexy, we know it takes effort, and we love it.

  • See if it's possible to have a discussion in order to work on improving your relationship.

  • Share this:. There must be more than bedroom intimacy and bodily attraction for a couple to last the long term.

She may mope around school or make anger-fueled comments such as, "All men are pigs. Remember, this is only for this drill Practice having a good time without having the agenda boyfriemd finding a girl. Not "being right" or attempting to change how someone thinks. A good partner will never make you feel bad for for being you. It could be their way of making you turn away from others so that you're more reliant on the relationship. The first, is what most men do. If you're constantly afraid a partner is going to leave, you will eventually give in and stop arguing with them, sharing your opinion, etc.

So don't ignore this kind of pattern. Look for clues such as flirting or outright admissions -- like saying, "I'm so glad that relationship is done" -- to gauge if she's really ready. If you're serious about the girl, waiting too long to make your move may mean that you miss out. They can also gain weight because of new medications. They stay home lying in bed feeling sad about their break up, and as a result they become stagnant.

They Get Weird About A Lie

Economist ce2f. That's the kind of stuff you check out before you get married so you don't get surprised down the road. You are doing great. All Football. These health and fitness statistics show our grim reality.

  • TL;DR - even if you don't break up with her for being fat, if you tell her to lose weight the relationship will end and you will be depicted as the scum of the earth. Economist a.

  • News Ticker. I think I deserve to be with someone who has the same mindset.

  • More people should do it, but there are lots of free whale -riders out there that don't do their part.

  • Over-exercising and undereating are not healthy.

But if they're constantly throwing this threat in your face whenever things get tough, take note. Now: Most people think that you need to be motivated to take action. While they may be super nice to youbecause they're dating you, how they talk to others is a sign of their true character. According to Sundet, another common habit among abusive partners is blaming, and then justifying in the same breath.

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Sorry for the rant from other side of the globe. This same boyfriend accompanied me to the E. Men's Variety Copyright These health and fitness statistics show our grim reality. I wore low cut tops to try and distract people away from looking at my body. You're hot.

I'm sure you are right. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I had paid to have myself literally cut open because I believed I had to lose weight to be loved fully. We are not assholes.

About the Author Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since The internet is a huge resource to meet girls. So keep an eye out for these types of comments. Since abusive people often try to isolate their partner from friends and family so that they have total control, this a huge red flag. While it's OK to argue in a healthy way and to disagree, it's not OK for arguments to routinely turn toxic. This starts a vicious cycle of assumptions and accelerates the eventual breakup.

The Solution

Economist 7eb1. Get healthy don't worry about your weight just eat right and exercise. I believed I had to lose weight to avoid being dumped. The truth is the size and shape of my body has zero bearing on the longevity of my relationships. September 17, PM 2.

  • Economist 7eb1. I had had our second baby in two years and was 30lbs heavier, while still nursing our youngest.

  • Not "being right" or attempting to change how someone thinks.

  • We all know the vitriol is everywhere.

  • But if you keep an eye out for red flags — including the types of things toxic partners say that often point to underlying character flaws — you can start deciding if the relationship is truly working for you.

We bkyfriend still friends to this day, and my life is x better because of her. If you have a problem or query you would like her to answer, you can submit it anonymously at irishtimes. However, men have admitted that the extra cushion left by baby, can be a bit of a turnoff. This is the delusional rhetoric I fed myself for most of my adult life.

  • Of course, there were some other circumstances as well.

  • This way of handling yourself caused her to leave you, which took a massive hit on you and weakened you even further. Even if she dumped the guy, it doesn't mean she's over him.

  • This is what the Biggest Loser told us.

  • A partner should never try to set rules for you, Bennett says, including saying where you can or cannot go, or who you can see. This way of handling yourself caused her to leave you, which took a massive hit on you and weakened you even further.

  • I did take care of myself.

They do it because they have no option. Will be leave his new bride and his new baby simply because his new wife has gained 20 pounds? This is why single people tend to eat healthierexercise more and remain in one of the healthiest groups in society. Did I have some expiration date because I was fat? I lost the 30lbs within 6 weeks of stopping nursings once my hormones regulated I was eating healthy and working out as I did pre-pregnancy, but the human body is a complex machine.

If OP is not happy with a fat girlfriend, definitely he will not be happy with a fat wife. Fatness does have its benefits such as functioning as a litmus test. It is important to consider however, that weight gain is often the normal progression of life. It was the first time I realized that someone could claim to love me and still harbor fat phobia. If you have a problem or query you would like her to answer, you can submit it anonymously at irishtimes.

Should I feel bad for dumping my gf for being too fat?

By Samantha Barr y. It's bizarre that ddating would leave you for "being too fat" even though he started dating you when you were 20 pounds heavier. Co Limerick: one walk, one run, one hike, one swim, one cycle, one park and one outdoor gym Your essential, outdoor, family-friendly guide to Co Limerick. So now I date only men who celebrate me —not in spite of or because of my weight. She even took me on the Jenny Jones show and I was booed like crazy before even being able to give my side of the story.

So, the very first place to start is dialogue. Her doing it was the wake up call I needed. Economist d Your Comments. Your email address will not be published. It's a late reaction, right?

ALSO READ: Overeating Belly Stuffing Stories

In fact, one study on featured in Obesity showed people who get married or live with their partners were in one of the fastest growing groups likely to become obese. Hurtful, yes, but it would hurt a lot more to be with someone who doesn't find you attractive. Alida began dating when she was 18 and had her first boyfriend at 20 but was too embarrassed to be with him intimately or naked. When she reached 22st 11lbs and Alida found her size having an increasing impact on both her mental and physical health. More Posts. I stayed when I should have left and chosen myself. I mean, knowing your partner intimately, knowing their flaws-and-all self — if sex was off the table, would they still be the person you choose to spend most of your time with?

  • Martha Cliff. As a personal trainer, to her these issues were deal breakers that quite simply, drew a boundary line between their two personalities.

  • I recognize this is easier said than done. On the one hand, if you're constantly rubbing each other the wrong way, it might just be a sign you aren't compatible.

  • So, the very first place to start is dialogue.

  • Economist a.

  • How to make your furniture work for you in a large open plan space. Be straight up about it and move on.

  • Go find someone who doesn't suck. We all know the vitriol is everywhere.

I mean, knowing your partner intimately, knowing their flaws-and-all self — if sex was off the table, would they still be the person you choose to spend most of your time with? I'm sure you are right. Economist ce2f. Let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!!!!!!!

September 17, PM 2. When we first met, she was super-cute. Definitely a right call IMO. Are you upping the ante that you will be dumped be eating one too many Cheese Puffs? You can break up with whoever you want. I make decisions about relationships in accordance with how I feel. Nip it in the bud.

Well, at least I used to. Gaslighting is a "manipulative technique that can completely undermine someone's sense of value or worth, and perhaps even worse, can cause them to believe their own thinking is faulty," Dr. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.

The consequences of your actions will not be felt immediately. It's sexy, we know it takes effort, and we love it. All Rights Reserved. How can I continue our relationship? This is the delusional rhetoric I fed myself for most of my adult life.

Gaslighting is a "manipulative technique that can completely undermine someone's sense of value or worth, and perhaps even worse, can cause them to believe their own thinking is faulty," Dr. If your partner makes these comments, seek some outside support, and move on. Ex Girlfriend Sending Mixed Signals. Using the support of friends after ending a relationship is a common way of coping, according to the TeensHealth website. A toxic partner certainly isn't going to agree they're being toxic, and they aren't going to be easy to break up witheither. But even less intense "rules" can be a sign of a problem — like maybe they say you can't go to bars alone because it makes them jealous. If you catch your partner lying, or suspect that they might be, "notice their reaction when confronted," Sundet says.

The Dilemma

In overseight same vein, you may want to break up if your partner refuses to talk about the future, won't set a date to meet your familywon't plan vacations, etc. Is everything alright? And if your nights turn out miserable and seem too much like work and no play… you will quickly lose motivation to go out and practice your game. If your partner is trying to control or manipulate you, it can create an atmosphere where even the biggest deal-breakers in a relationship suddenly seem normal.

But here is my problem and man am I ashamed to even be writing this. Anf since this is about safety, Bilek says, don't let your decision be swayed. Remember, though, that emotionally abusive relationships are complex, Sundet says, and often difficult to leave. Train Yourself to Generate Positive Emotions Independent of Outcome In drill 1, we talked about approaching girls, and using pure willpower to plow through resistance. While her loss could be your gain, her sadness over the breakup may get in the way of you asking her out. So don't ignore this kind of pattern. By Carolyn Steber.

A toxic partner certainly isn't going to agree they're being toxic, and they aren't going to be easy to break up witheither. While you shouldn't act like a vulture and swoop in taking advantage of a bad situation, you can make a sensitive play for a girl you truly care about. According to Hawkins, a good partner will never call you a derogatory name or insult your character or intelligence, no matter how upset they get. And for an emotionally abusive person, that's exactly what they want. But the way they react to it is what makes ALL the difference. Terms of Service.

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Voerweight the one hand, if you're constantly rubbing each other the wrong way, it might just be a sign you aren't compatible. There must be more than bedroom intimacy and bodily attraction for a couple to last the long term. Breaking up because her ex cheated on her or treated her poorly -- or if he initiated the breakup -- may mean that your crush is still sad.

The reality of the situation is that it is best to find people who love you for who you are on the inside, despite what your outside looks like. Trust me, she knows wwith has put on weight. Please enter your email address so we can send you a link to reset your password. Cutting fat women off from all romantic male companionship would go a long way toward solving America's obesity problem. I was horrified and ran to the bathroom crying. The consequences of your actions will not be felt immediately. These shifts happen through exposure, representation and celebration — and you can shift that yourself.

But if they're giving you relationship-y vibes one minute and then pushing you away the next, you have every right to decide enough is enough. Does your partner snap at servers in restaurants? In America, our culture is such that personal appearance is greatly emphasized. Menu Menu. Pick a night to do this drill.

To me, it felt like betrayal. I had had glrl second baby in two years and was 30lbs heavier, while still nursing our youngest. Yet I stayed with my ex-boyfriend longer than I should have. Two year's later, it's possible the breakup motivated the ex-gf to lose the weight, and now she's a jaw-dropping hottie.

  • This name will appear beside any comments you post. Economist

  • About the Author Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since

  • In this case, though, it sounds like he felt he needed a "parting shot" to make it your fault not his that he was bailing out.

  • In America, our culture is such that personal appearance is greatly emphasized.

They stay home lying in bed feeling sad about their break up, and as a result they become stagnant. Signs of being ready to look for romance again include flirting or joking around with you or her not talking about her ex anymore. I mention this because what often happens in these types of situations is the person who is putting on the pounds becomes super self-conscious. So, the very first place to start is dialogue. When you aim to start dating girls again after a breakup from a long relationship, you want to get the momentum going again. If she was over her guy before the breakup, asking her out immediately is definitely doable. It could be their way of making you turn away from others so that you're more reliant on the relationship.

In other words, set aside some time when you and your partner can talk in a meaningful way. Most men get discouraged. Since abusive people often try to isolate their partner from friends and family so that they have total control, this a huge red flag. For example, directly ask her how she is feeling after the breakup or let her know that she can call or text you anytime that she needs to talk.

OP, you did a valuable service to society. All the while, she will know she's fat and will do less than nothing to fix it. When I was 23, I was trying to have a baby and was told that I would not be able to conceive at the size I was. You are enabling an unhealthy disgusting lifestyle if you do.

These health and fitness statistics show our grim reality. At some point SS, your handsomeness will begin to go. Two year's later, it's possible the breakup motivated the ex-gf to lose the weight, and now she's a jaw-dropping hottie. It is important to consider however, that weight gain is often the normal progression of life.

For lunch she now opts for a chickpea curry with quinoa and steamed veg and for dinner a vegan spag bol satisfies her cravings. September 17, PM 2. Woman, gain lots of weight when they are pregnant, and may not immediately bounce back to the post-pregnancy size the minute the baby comes out. Sure experience has shown me that there are shitty, confused guys out there. I mean, knowing your partner intimately, knowing their flaws-and-all self — if sex was off the table, would they still be the person you choose to spend most of your time with?

Ed, LMFTlicensed psychotherapist. Nothing is better than meeting women face to face. Not only do you deserve to be with someone who envisions a future, Hawkins says "arguments about commitment can signal that there are bigger problems in the relationship and desires are not aligning. There are a several online dating sites and apps you can quickly sign up on and use to get more dates in your life. When you do it, only focus on socializing with people and feeling really good.

Classroom is the educational resource for people of all ages. Which one will you be? Men's Variety Copyright Darlene M.

This starts a vicious cycle of assumptions and accelerates the eventual breakup. Skip to content. September 17, PM 2.

I'm so very sorry this happened to you. Move on overdeight count yourself lucky. But I stayed with him because I believed he was just telling me the truth. You should lose weight for yourself and never for anyone else. You won't be sorry! Relationship experts, without a doubt, indicate that people are most attracted to members of the opposite sex who take care of themselves and have high levels of self-confidence. Recently read an article that women's obesity level in America is rising at alarming rate.

Margaret Rutherforda clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Any type of comment that even hints at abuse or assault shouldn't be ignored. Give her time to get over her loss, and hold off on asking her out until she seems ready. FTC Disclosure. But if they're giving you relationship-y vibes one minute and then pushing you away the next, you have every right to decide enough is enough.

Well, at least I used to. I subscribed so deeply to self-hate that I stayed with a man who made me feel like shit about myself. Sign In. She may break up with you, and in her head it's not because she overreacted about some stupid mistake you made, it will be because she deserves better than someone who doesn't appreciate her curves.

If you're constantly afraid a partner is going to leave, you will eventually give in and stop arguing with them, sharing your opinion, etc. Nothing is better than meeting women face to face. Without being a douchebag, ask her how she is doing. On the one hand, if you're constantly rubbing each other the wrong way, it might just be a sign you aren't compatible. Medical issues can also cause this problem.

Isolde Sundet, M. This approaching drill is the way to do it. In turn, they begin to physically pull away. Privacy Policy. There must be more than bedroom intimacy and bodily attraction for a couple to last the long term. But it's all a mind game meant to keep you unsure of yourself so they get to be in control.

Economist 7e She will tell her friends who will rush to tell her what a horrible, ungrateful man you are and how she deserves so much better. Please enter your email address so we can send you a link to reset your password. At lunch she would munch on two large portions of sushi with macaroni cheese and for dinner she would put away a pizza as well as snacking on share bags of crisps, chips and biscuits. Some reading this will no doubt take offense to your question. Move on and count yourself lucky.

What makes her sexy now, and how can you appreciate it? It is important to consider however, that weight gain is often the normal progression of life. You haven't made any promise or commitment beyond I like being with you. September 17, PM 1.

She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education. On the one hand, if you're constantly rubbing each other the wrong way, it might just be a sign you aren't compatible. So that you quickly start meeting new girls, start getting laid again, and get your confidence back up to how it used to be. If your partner is trying to control or manipulate you, it can create an atmosphere where even the biggest deal-breakers in a relationship suddenly seem normal. Men are depicted in much the same way; well-built and buff. Does your partner snap at servers in restaurants? This is the second path.

As Kimberly Hershenson, LMSWan NYC-based therapist, tells Bustle, you should "pay close to attention to how your partner treats those who serve them," as well as strangers on the street. In drill 1, we talked about approaching girls, and using pure willpower to plow through resistance. While her loss could be your gain, her sadness over the breakup may get in the way of you asking her out. Originally Published: March 28, Sign up for our newsletter. Pick a night to do this drill. In fact, telling a partner how to think is a common technique manipulative people useand it's one that can quickly escalate from seemingly innocent comments to full-on control.

Maybe while the offending partner notices the weight gain, the real turn-off is the personality or moral fabric that they no longer byfriend. Here is the inevitable outcome: She will probably recognize that you're right, but she will begin to feel defensive. He sounds like a bully and you may be better off without him. So, the very first place to start is dialogue. September 17, PM 0. Sign In Sign Out.

If this is the case, she could welcome your support in addressing the issue and she may be planning on losing the weight. In the short-term, people get dodgy haircuts and grow unfortunate moustaches. We are finally divorced and I've recovered enough to be here taking back control of my life. Not an Irish Times subscriber? Economist 2d

Remember, this is only for this drill Practice having a good time without having the agenda of finding a girl. Being there for her shows her that you care and are serious about sticking around. Unless you're already close to the girl -- or her friends -- you may be clueless when it comes to the reason for her breakup. According to Sundet, another common habit among abusive partners is blaming, and then justifying in the same breath. Your game probably comes off as weak.

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Iverweight can also gain weight because of new medications. He said that for the past few months he lost all attraction towards me, he said I was too fat and I need to lose weight. I ran down to find our son doubled over, clutching his belly and crying. However, there is another psychological factor involved as well. Woman, gain lots of weight when they are pregnant, and may not immediately bounce back to the post-pregnancy size the minute the baby comes out.

Personality-wise, we do just fine. LOL to the poor, hopeless, and truly naive creatures ITT who suggest telling the ex gf that she should lose some weight. I should have broken up with that guy the first time he made negative comments about my weight. By Lindsay Schallo n. I would think this added benefit who make it hard to lose weight because it would weed away the superficial people who are not willing to look any deeper.

You were likely doing at least one of these 8 relationship mistakes that make your girlfriend leave you. This starts a vicious cycle of assumptions and accelerates the eventual breakup. Remember, this is only for this drill Practice having a good time without having the agenda of finding a girl.

Remember, this is only for this drill. In fact, telling a partner how to think is a common technique manipulative people useand it's one that can quickly escalate from seemingly innocent comments to full-on control. So don't ignore this kind of pattern. Instead of waiting until it's too late and she's already moved on with someone else, strategically suggest that the two of you hang. By Carolyn Steber. So that you quickly start meeting new girls, start getting laid again, and get your confidence back up to how it used to be.

ALSO READ: Diets That Work For Women With Hypothyroidism

In fact, until recently, I had never dumped someone. I am happy for you, though, that it happened sooner rather than later. Alida now relies on a vegan diet to help her maintain her annd weight starting with tofu and mushrooms for breakfast on high protein bread. Weight gain can be the sign of a medication doing its job to fix a hormonal imbalance or thyroid issue, for example — or it could just be self-care. Start looking at and reading about body positivity, and deliberately selecting media that allows you to appreciate other types of beauty — and bring this to your view of your partner.

  • And I think you're beautiful.

  • Whitney Hawkins, M. Ending a relationship is a loss -- no matter who ends it.

  • Leave a Comment Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Your partner has put on weight, and her appearance has changed — and yours will too, over time.

  • How would you feel if someone gave you the boot because of thinning hair for example?

  • Well, at least I used to. Gaslighting is a "manipulative technique that can completely undermine someone's sense of value or worth, and perhaps even worse, can cause them to believe their own thinking is faulty," Dr.

Learn how your comment data is processed. You will feel lucky after a healing time, maybe not now. This dwting a vicious cycle of assumptions and accelerates the eventual breakup. I was horrified and ran to the bathroom crying. Alida Dreyer, 27, from Sydney was overweight from a young age, and would often skip school due to the extreme bullying she suffered. Let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!!!!!!!

Darlene M. See disclaimer. Talk about your goals for the future and take each other's answers seriously. If she was over her guy before the breakup, asking her out immediately is definitely doable. In drill 1, we talked about approaching girls, and using pure willpower to plow through resistance.

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